At the time of writing, my son just turned four years old. I’ve had many opportunities to talk about his labor and birth story (if you haven’t read it, go here), and I am still in awe of how it unfolded.

After 42 weeks of pregnancy, his labor almost broke me. It literally had me on my knees, crying and asking for my mom to rescue me. It had me chanting, “I am not afraid,” and sobbing uncontrollably as past birth trauma resurfaced. And it made me realize some unpleasant things about my personality that needed to be given to the Lord for healing.

Ultimately, even though his birth was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, it taught me SO many invaluable lessons that have served me time and time again. And that is part of the reason why I am so passionate about fertility, pregnancy, and birth. God has given us the opportunity to lay down our lives, our selfishness, and our insecurities in the name of giving new life to the world.

So, without any further ado, here is what I learned from my son’s labor and birth that I hope will serve you in your time.

5 Lessons I learned from My Second Home Birth

1.Your brain is your most powerful tool

I’m not trying to sell you a course to master your thoughts. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have. If you can control your thoughts, you can decrease:

⚡️Your pain

⚡️ Your fear

⚡️ Your anxiety

⚡️ Your worry

⚡️ Your frustration

But, this isn’t some quick-fix thing.

It. Takes. Work.

Hours and hours of intentional prayer, meditation, and practice to help your brain throw out the irrational thoughts and work through the good ones.

I cringe when someone says, “Oh wow, you’re so lucky you enjoyed your labor and birth.” Trust me, sister, luck had nothing to do with it. I prepared for months through prayer, fasting, so many conversations, and studying to unlearn my own fear of birth. And even with all that, I still experience fear, anxiety, and worry. BUT it’s easier to handle because I work to control my thoughts.

When you train your brain to trust God and give your thoughts to Him and truly surrender to His will, labor is infinitely easier to bear.

2. Your team is the second most powerful tool

I could not have survived without my team. My husband, my midwife, her backup, two different young women who babysat my older girls, and my mom (plus a host of loved ones praying) sheltered me in love, support, and encouragement.

My midwives came when called and stayed even when labor stalled. They made it clear I was not a burden (though it seemed impossible to believe) and helped me process so many emotions and insecurities. They even drove me to the chiropractor (25 minutes away) because I got the hairbrained idea I needed it during labor (you should really read the whole story if you haven’t yet).

But all that to say, that if you have a team that believes in you and supports your desires (not their own time frame and pocketbooks), you will have an infinitely easier labor and birth. Whether you give birth in the hospital, a birth center, or at home, your team can either make or break your experience.

3. Choosing an intervention is not always wrong

Part of the challenge of my son’s labor was that it resurfaced the birth trauma I still had from my first daughter's birth. So, as labor went on and on, I felt like I had to do something to make it go faster because that was the narrative during my daughter’s birth. So when I asked for homeopathics to hasten things or asked my midwife to break my water, it came with so much guilt and disgust with myself.

And ultimately, what I discovered was that those interventions didn’t do anything because I didn’t let my body relax. I also learned that choosing to intervene didn’t mean I was doing something wrong! There is a time and a place for everything, and if you make an informed decision, all you can do is take the next right step with the peace of God guiding you.

4. When labor “stalls”, it’s not always pathological

See, this is the difference between practitioners who respect physiological birth and those who do not. And this happens in the home, hospital, and birth center all the time. God’s perfect design for birth often allows natural breaks to help the mother and baby adjust to the stress of labor. But in our fast-paced world, it is challenging to recognize and appreciate the breaks God has designed.

Just because your labor stalls or slows down does not always mean something is wrong. Sometimes (most of the time) it’s an invitation to rest and recoup before labor gets more challenging or intense.

After I experienced this start/stop of labor, I was able to recognize it for what it was and not pathologize it like I was in the middle of labor. My team was not pushing me. I was pushing myself. And I truly believe it was because I was stuck in my daughter's birth, where everything was on the clock.

My best advice is to lean into the pauses and allow the peace of God to wash over the slow moments of labor. I was able to recognize this peace and gift during my third daughter's birth.

5. You must toe the line of fear and respect carefully

Fear in labor and birth is an interesting topic to dissect. In fact, I plan on writing a full article about it, but until then, I believe that fear is an emotion given by God, which can help us tune into a deeper understanding of a situation.

Fear isn’t always a bad thing, but fear in labor and birth can cause a lot of harm. Dr. Grantly Dick-Read discusses the fear-tension-pain reflex. Essentially, the more fear you have, the more tension you have, the more pain you have.

If you experience fear during labor, ask yourself why. What is the situation? Can you take a step back and reevaluate your emotions to make sure you have all the information? Is there more information available that can help you make a more peaceful decision?

Birth is an awesome event that requires intentional trust and respect in our God who created it. But I don’t think that means we need to be fearful. If we trust God and His perfect plan, there is no room for fear.

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

1 John 4:18

Labor's Many Lessons Will Look Different for Every Mother

A birth centered on Christ doesn’t look one way, though it does have a common thread: God’s will. This will look different for each mother and take different kinds of preparation. Be open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance, pray, and trust that His design is perfect. Create a team you trust, be open to help when you need it, and respect labor and birth for what it is: an opportunity to co-create with the Creator.

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5 Lessons I Learned from Son’s 27-Hour Labor